Heaven And Hell, But Not As We Know It
by Giacinta
Summary: It ends up with Dean as Heaven's regent and Sam as Hell's, but the brothers never change! One shot.


Heaven and Hell, But Not As We Know It!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dean tapped his foot impatiently on the ornate foot-rest.

He felt a complete idiot sitting on this golden throne-like monstrosity, dressed in heavenly armour with his sword by his side, but he had accepted the job and was forced to comply with a few of the ceremonials that went with it.

Today was report-in day for some of the lower level angels such as cupids, and they expected to witness the Might and Glory of Heaven and its Regent, not some guy in jeans sipping a beer, which is what Dean was dying for right now.

He smiled automatically at the fat cherub kneeling at his feet, reciting his information, but his mind was elsewhere.

"Sammy! " he called out silently, his words surfing the heavenly wavelengths as far as the outer reaches of Hell where they jumped the neutral gap, and hooked on to those that went straight to his brother.

Dean wondered if he was as pissed out of his mind as himself; probably not, for when his little brother took on a job, he threw all his energies into doing it as methodically as possible.

x

"You done, bro? If I don't get out of here soon, I'm gonna smite an entire garrison of angels, just for the shit of it," Dean grumbled.

He heard Sam's answering snort. "Don't know if they checked your references too closely, Dude. Never seen anyone less suited to ruling heaven than you!"

x

"Well, you sure got _**that**_ wrong, Sammy! I've got them eating out of my hand like well-trained bitches!" The smirk in his voice was clearly audible to his younger brother.

"That I'd love to see!" Sam replied caustically. "Too bad the King of Hell is 'persona non grata' on the inside of Pearly Gates."

"Rules are made to be broken!" Dean declared flippantly. "It might take a while to convince the locals, but there's no way you're not gonna get to visit; after all we're both still basically human." Dean declared.

x

"Yeah, if there's anyone can bend the rules, it's my big brother," Sam said almost admiringly.

"Uh, listen, Dean. I'm overseeing the new wing I'm building in Upper Hell, but I can leave my demon in charge. You remember that guy who sold his soul at the crossroads to become a top-notch architect? Well I thought I'd put all his experience to good use!"

"And remember Bela?" Sam added.

"Huh, who could forget that bitch? " Dean answered." She thought she was so smart. Tried to gank both of us, before her deal came due."

"Yeah well, I've got her doing my secretarial work. Crowley maintained he ran a tight ship, but he wasn't as proficient as he made out; too interested in torture and not enough in the day-to-day running of the place."

Dean grunted. He couldn't blame Crowley for that, he mused. It bored him to tears too!

x

"Okaaay then, see you at the usual place in five minutes. With all that heat down there, bet you're dying for a cold one!" Dean said signing out.

"Yeah, sounds real good." Sam replied.

X

X

Dean was leaning back against the Impala when Sam materialised next to him, his eyes quickly assessed his little brother. He looked a bit tired, but otherwise it was still his Sammy.

"Dude, good to see you," Dean said clapping a hand on his sibling's shoulder. "I never thought I'd miss your daily bitching, but I do."

"Dean," Sam grinned, a goofy smile illuminating his face, "We can see each other anywhere and any time. We're the regents of heaven and hell, so that sorta gives us the right to do pretty much whatever we want."

"Yeah, that's the good part, but ninety percent of this king stuff is dull!" Dean complained, pursing his lips in displeasure.

Sam bumped his shoulder.

"You got me up here for a cold beer, bro and now you're just gonna stand here and grouch. Come on!" he said as he got into the Impala.

It wasn't really necessary for them to drive around any more; they could teleport at will, but there were so many memories inhabiting the car's leather-clad interior. She had been and always would be their one true home and it relaxed them to be there.

X

X

"So," Sam asked as he chewed on his salad. "What's going on in Heaven? You got everything under control?"

"Yeah, everything is friggin' ticking like clock-work. The angels have all been given their orders, and they're as happy as pigs in a mud bath. Free will just doesn't work for them! Must be 'cos they don't have a soul. They want to be told what do, so I tell them." Dean explained.

"You should have taken my job. Hell's a pretty dynamic place. There's always somthin' going on."

"Huh; right! 'Fraid it doesn't work that way! I'm that douche-bag Michael's vessel so I get the heaven gig, and you my freaky little bro are Luci's; so Hell it is!"

x

"It's not so bad," Sam confided.

"I'm looking through the back-records of the souls. I'm gonna move the less serious sinners into the new block that's being built. Try and recuperate them. Could be I send you some redeemed souls up to heaven. Would that be okay with you?" Sam asked, a forkful of salad hovering in mid-air as he waited for an answer.

"Whatever you want, Dude," Dean replied, more interested in his burger. "I have complete confidence in you Sammy. If you say a hell-soul gets to make it to heaven, I'm good with it."

"Okay then. A lot of of the souls down in hell really don't deserve to be there. Some were only kids when they were tricked into making a deal with a crossroads demon, without understanding what they were doing! It's a shame really."

x

Dean gazed at him almost in disbelief.

"I can't believe this bleeding-heart girl sitting across from me is hell's king!" he laughed. "How do you get those demons to obey you?"

"You don't want to know, " Sam smirked. " I can play the hard man when I need to."

Dean tilted his head in acknowledgement. Yeah Sammy could be a scary little bitch on occasion!

x

"Any news on God yet?" Sam continued.

"Nah. No sight nor sound of him. I've got angels out gathering info, but nada. He just doesn't want to be found!" Dean sighed. "He was probably so fed up with overseeing heaven that he went on a permanent vacation."

X

"Hey beautiful, " Dean called to the passing waitress. "Think we could have some more coffee?"

The brothers sat back and basked in each other's company. Things had changed so much, yet everything remained the same.

None of the other clients in the diner could ever imagine that the two handsome men sitting enjoying their coffee at the corner table, were the current rulers of heaven and hell, except for the one man standing at the counter who looked on approvingly at his two protégées.

HE could not have chosen better.

"Good day to you my dear," HE said as he got up, left a hefty tip on the counter and walked out.

X

The enD


End file.
